For those of us that can read the words on this page, that means a special lady brought you into this world (unless you grew from a stalk, which I highly doubt). Whatever the circumstance after that, there is something for which to be grateful.
No matter if your story began like that wonderful book turned movie that some of us adore at 50 or twenty-22, our story is ever evolving and how it turns out is up to us.
There was this TV drama in the 90’s called Relativity. While I cannot remember the plot exactly, my point is our situation is always relative to someone else.
If we step outside of our ‘little private Idaho’ and look around, I’m sure we’ll find at least 3 things for which to be grateful.
If we continue to be grateful for those 3 things, soon you may find that it will begin to multiply and manifest into more than those 3.
Whatever we think about manifests into behaviours and actions which in turn determine how others view and treat us.
If we keep our thoughts to ourselves depending on our mental and emotional ‘make-up’, we may actually implode if we cannot effectively transcend our inner ‘noise’.
Eventually those unresolved emotions can manifest into outward actions that may become subtle, or not so subtle to the outsider. Or worse, manifest into diseases or depression.
If we chitter chatter about traumas (especially to the wrong people), that can also work against us, as my mother says (then all your business may be on the market).
It is also said that some people take comfort in our pain and sufferings, since it makes them feel better about their not-so-perfect lives (but whose is anyway?) so they can feel as though they have the edge on us.
So from where I sit, there’s only one way to go.
Turn inward, meditate, talk to your creator, commune in nature, find your center, listen to your heart and follow your gut …
Wait for the answers to emanate from your being as that higher power will point you toward the signs and right answers/solutions to whatever it is you are going through.
If this practice is done consistently – daily or even twice daily, it can have a tremendous impact on your life over time. However, the ‘pull’ to conform to life’s routine and survive especially in today’s modern world; while co-existing with other people who may create a dynamic that pulls in the other direction, may be easier said that done!
I will say this: Your mind, silence and nature has limitless power.
But, what does this have to do with Mother’s Day you say?
Before you were even formed in the womb, there was a Higher Power that knew exactly why and how and to what family and circumstances you were going to be born into. Though it may not have been the best circumstances in some cases, there’s always a story and lesson to learn.
If we remain closed and allow our pain to cause us to shut out our talents and deeper purpose, then we may miss the opportunities and signs to evolve to the next stage of our journey.
This may be something extraordinary if only we allow ourselves to embrace the pain regardless of how harsh and unfair it may seem.
No matter how ‘bad’ we think our situation may be, there is ALWAYS someone going through something worse.
While this does not take away from our pain however tragic and painful we may find it to be, perspective and relativity will get us to the other side of the ‘mountain’.
Endless Love to my mum & all she has done for all of us, and all the women who have been mothers to me at some point in my life.
Good morning and Happy May to the beauutiful people reading this blog! 🙂
This is the day/month for celebrating the day of the worker and for Catholics, Mary the mother of God!
It’s also the birth month of many – including friends, colleagues and my papi rest his soul.
It’s a new month to give thanks for all our blessings great and small. Though life may get us down from time to time, it’s important to still remember the good in our lives …
The good people/situations …
The good in the perceived ‘bad’ people and situations, in order to apply the lessons.
At times, we may not have all of the information related to why people act the way they do, or why situations happen.
Years later we may realize that other factors not limited to cultural, familial, societal, economic and environmental influences may have impacted or precipitated those actions or situations.
Though this does not justify or excuse some of the heinous or unjust offences/acts done to us and others, it does provide a deeper explanation for its occurrence.
Even though we may be enlightened to understand the psychology behind it, overcoming the hurt and pain is another story altogether.
This isn’t an overnight process or a switch that you can turn off in your brain or heart at will. The fact remains is that we are all human with different propensities to process, overcome and heal the past.
This is especially so if the situations are reoccurring, or there are constant triggers and reminders of the suffering that we have endured.
You should also not judge a book by its cover, since still waters run deep and there’s always two sides to a story.
Karma also has a way of coming back to get us for transgressions we, or our ancestors may have subconsciously or consciously committed against others.
Christians may be able to relate to the proverb found in various parts of The Bible, ‘as you sow, so you shall reap’.
When we choose to live in the moment operating with a sense of mindfulness, we may be able to process factors in our life in a deeper way.
Though it takes time to heal and bring forth change, we would be able to have a sense of discernment when treating with future situations and people.
Wishing you a month filled with simple joys, pleasures, lessons, healing, peace and contentment to attract all things good to fulfill all the desires of your heart at the right moments.
There’s something familiar about cleaning out your closet and finding old relics. Many of us find pleasure in various activities throughout our lives. If we are blessed enough to live to three score and ten in more or less good health, we would realize much changes.
Not that I am there yet, but I was able to live vicariously through my parents.
As a child growing up, I never had the opportunity to get acquainted with either of my grandparents. Mainly because of the fact that I was what my parents referred to as a lagniappe (which is the French colloquial connotation of ‘a little something extra’ – being born more than a decade after my siblings).
That would also explain why I always thought when you got ‘old’, you became decrepit and senile. Of course, I realized this was far from the truth since nowadays some folks seem to be drinking from the fountain of youth. I’ll try to explain why I think this is so …
At school, we had to visit an old folks home once a month, cook meals and spend time with the ladies there. I often dreaded those visits and wondered how come the other girls could relate to the ladies so well.
Flash forward to many years later, I watched my own parents become virtually my grandparents before my eyes! In fact, many people mistook me for their grandchild lol
I was surprised to find that seeing them age did not bother me in the least and I did not have that old feeling, when I viewed other elderly people in my younger years.
Odd, but true.
The things that I would have once considered gory, cumbersome, or even scary became like second nature at times for me. The message I am trying to convey is that once a man, twice a child and our thoughts have a role to play in all of this.
I’m sure many of us would have lost people close to us, and we ourselves never expected some of the experiences to happen to us in quite this way (so soon or late at times).
I remember things said growing up that I watched manifest within recent years. I shudder at the thought of history repeating itself, if we collectively don’t guard our thoughts, words and actions. (This is actually in part stated in one of the Holy books).
I know it may be easier said than done, if there are constant triggers in our environments or social circles that precipitate those habitual actions/mindsets.
What it means to be Mind-Ful/Conscious
A few years ago, I was introduced to the new age concept in spirituality known as mindfulness.
You can say this holds the key to our sustained peace, joy, abundance and success in life.
As with most things, it must be practiced consistently to be effective.
Though I did not delve deeply, I think I was (innately) practicing this on some scale from a young age. However conditions did not allow for maximum effect.
From time to time, (what I think to be) weird and random thoughts pop into my head.
I sometimes dismiss them, only to find out further afield that other people had these same thoughts and it’s actually a concept!
My random thought for today is this (it’s a Biggie, get ready for it).
I wondered ………… What if no one is really happy for a sustained period?
What if some are happy in the moment, but when they return to their normal life’s routine, they really have this void within?
I really became fixated on the thought that few people are honestly really happy for most of their life. That’s why they assign value to symbols: material objects, positions, credentials and people to give them a temporary fix (to find joy).
At the time, they may not even know it’s a placebo, since sometimes we as human beings consciously and subconsciously bring this upon ourselves and other people.
Other times, these things do improve the quality of our lives, butit’s not the surefire way to joy or success if we can’t apply them to benefit others. For it is often said, that many times the act of giving actually makes us more joyful than receiving, since our purpose on this earth is to serve others.
(The flip side is that it must be joyful and not reproachful giving. In other words, if you don’t really want to (at that point in time at least), just don’t, because it won’t have the same effect and people can tell).
Personally, the last few years were some of the toughest of my life for various reasons and I had literally no.more.to.give.
Then it all came to a crashing halt last year; though many people looking in and within my social circles never noticed what was really wrong, or rather that there was ONE main and very HUGE trigger.
I could not understand it.
I guess because somehow they found joy in my company? Some knew the truth and to this day we are still pretty tight, so I know the ‘love’ is unconditional.
Even when I crawled into my temperamental ‘hole’, they still found me, brought me back to life and welcomed me with open arms. Only certain people have that ability in your life. You will know when it feels right. Weird, but true. Do you have any friends like that?
How I found the ‘secret elixir’ to lasting joy
September however, is when I learnt to be truly happy in my own company.
Despite the reminders of the source of the pain and the environmental triggers, somehow my inner joy was able to rise above the surface-emotions of hurt, anger/rage and betrayal.
Through a process of venting with close family and friends; spending time in silent reflection, meditation and prayer, I was able to crawl out of that place of hurt that was preventing me from producing, progressing and socializing closer to my optimum levels.
Nature also helped me to recharge, appreciate and feel the beauty and love of Creation.
I was able to better discern who was true and what was important.
I was able to determine what I wanted and how to get it.
I was able to create a plan and start putting it into motion.
Soon, I was once again attracting (and manifesting as they say) what and who I needed to bring me closer towards my goals of more sustained joy, peace and abundance.
Well, September ended and we’re now in April of a brand new year (2018) and guess what? My joy is still here. Yah know what they say, it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.
‘Mania’ is fleeting … but true joy is eternal once you know where to find it.
I still have some things to work through; but FYI I also lost over 10 lbs, I’m a little more fit (and flexible) without going to a gym or diet pills I may add, my 2 grey hairs are gone and I’m singing myself silly in between the spaces of my thoughts and my next Big idea!
I wanna wish all and sundry the happiest of Easters, whether you appreciate or celebrate the holiday from a religious, spiritual or traditional perspective (with Easter hunts, Easter bonnets, parades, those yummy chocolate filled eggs and the whole 9 yards)!
As we traverse life, many things taught to us as ‘children of this universe‘, may fall away and be replaced with different world views, depending on where we assign value.
Same with friendships and relationships that once bore significance for us; as our discernment, tolerance, confidence and maturity levels evolve.
With this said, I truly believe that some bonds, memories and lessons ought to remain true – no matter where we go in life.
But since no man is an island (or created the same), healthy boundaries need to be set for our own balance.
While I don’t consider myself an ‘advice guru’, I do find fulfillment and joy in the fact that many find [some] value in my purpose in this world … which is to share what I’ve learnt through my life’s work.
Again, please use what I am about to say sparingly … as this is only my point of view and in no way to be considered didactic aka *the only way* or *key to life*.
From time-to-time folks inquire about my ‘religious or spiritual persuasion’ so here goes, *no need to cue the harps & chimes* … I promise light reading all the way to the end.
Once upon a time (in a land far way – joking haa); Easter (and Christmas) for me was all about church – having received the sacraments of baptism, first communion and confirmation in the Roman Catholic faith. I attended mostly Catholic schools (having the initiation at kindergarten), so regular school church visits was the norm.
At school and throughout my adult life, a few friends and strangers alike attempted to broaden my scope in other religious and spiritual beliefs, however my mother very vehemently declared that I could do so when I was out of her house! (ha ha)
As an adultier adult, I no longer hold firmly to many of those religious doctrines, but I still believe in a lot of the [universal] spiritual lessons and values instilled deep within my consciousness at church and school throughout my formative years.
If you’ve read my books and followed my journey on traditional and social media, you may realize that this has always worked for me.
While I by no means consider myself a ‘holier-than-thou’ religious fanatic, seeking to publicly evangelize everyone I meet, I do think I am on a continuous spiritual journey which began at a very young age. I credit this to both my familial and religious teachings and a lot to deep reflection, soul searching and communing in nature.
Disclaimer: I have met many people during my personal and professional journey and my view is that people will always believe in what they believe in and do what they want to do. Nobody wants to be preached to in an overt way (against their will) and while we can encourage each other along this journey of life; trying to get someone to change or believe in what we believe in, is a losing ‘battle’ if they do not want change for themselves and/or have a closed/blocked mind.
While I know I still have much farther to go …
My Easter message is this
Whatever your religious or spiritual beliefs, life is a series of events that lead you toward a path of greater fulfillment and enlightenment.
Enlightenment has nothing to do with education, class, geography or any of the constructs placed on us by a man-made world.
Rather, it [enlightenment] has a lot to do with how well you consistently effectreal change in your own life and the lives of others. (Again this is all relative depending on where you are at in your journey towards evolution and how you assign value or define ‘real change‘.)
Whoever represents a Savior or Divinity to youis your decision. Our progress in life is dependent on how open we remain to the teachers all around us every.day.of.our lives.
How you assign value to these lessons, people and situations in your life, will determine WHAT and WHO you attract.
If there’s a clear pattern in certain areas of our life; that signals to us that we need to heal or change something deep within us that may be blocking our path.
While we live in a material world and need essentials to live a comfortable life, the extent to whichour mind is unfettered when it comes to the important things (that matter most) will be the underlying pathways to our sustained joy and peace.
Lip service is an easy thing.
Faking it, can also be easy (to those so inclined).
For an undeniable resilience and light to shine from your eyes for the greater part of your days and years on this planet; so as to consistently attract all things good to your life, can only come from your deep faith in a Divine source who sees your heart and pure intentions. – Carolyn K. Correia (c) 2018
On this Easter Sunday on this first day of April 2018, I wish you and yours true and continuous salvation, contentment, peace and love to light your days and bring you full circle towards your purpose, so as to create the life with which you are truly happy.
Endless Love, Carolyn x
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This is a delayed post about a book I recently read titled, Divulging.
I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from reading (books). I do read a whole lot of articles, blogs and e-books for business and research purposes though.
The author is a colleague who just happened to divulge (one day in passing), that they published an e-book on Amazon some years ago.
It was sooo good (the clever, descriptive and skillful use of the language), that I read it in less than an hour flat. That is a huge (huge) accomplishment for me, for two reasons:
The first, is attributed to my time being split into a million nano-seconds of brain activity and events. The second is because it takes a great deal to hook me into anything (for longer than 30 minutes).
I’m not saying this to be conceited; but as you get older (unless you’re already older), you would realize that balancing all the variables in your life can be a bit exhausting.
So yeah, it was def. a page turner (and if you’ve been reading my blog, you should know by now that I don’t hand-out empty compliments. I call it like I see it).
The book was relationship-related and I can only compare it to Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Not in terms of content, but quality. It was an amazingly, honest and refreshing look atrelationships from the point of view of the male mind.
I write about it today; not only because I have a few events coming up and it provided much food for thought, but because I’ve been seeing all of these controversial videos on social media related to ‘wars’ between (grown) men and women.
Wow. I am just blown away each time, as I wonder what is the exact brand of crazy glue that holds relationships of this nature together.
Or, how it got to the point of a live-in relationship or marriage in the first place…only to collapse mere years later (sometimes after a huge, fancy [not to mention] expensive wedding).
In some cases, the dating and courtship lasts longer than the actual marriage. Which brings me to an old folks saying my mother says all the time,
“A good living is better than a bad marriage.”
Muy interesante. Of course, on the other side of the coin is:
“Why buy the cow, when you are getting milk for free?”
Well; who am I to comment on this, since one may argue that I’ve never been married or even close to it. But Good Golly, Miss Molly as Little Richard sang (way before my time)!
While I know it’s easier said than done, for heaven’s sake why would you be saying stuff about your former partner if the situation actually progressed to the point of marriage?
I run the risk of sounding a tad bit like Sheldon of TVs Big Bang theory; but why didn’t you FIRSTget to know the person on a really intimate level before taking it to that other levelof coitus/reproduction and/or co-habitation? (Or use Stevie’s 90-day rule?)
This is stuff I usually discuss with my single, male friends. We can’t fathom for the life of us, how this could happen if one really got to know the other person – inside & out.
If this happened; you’d spot the red flags a mile away, take them for what they’re worth (the flags i.e.) until you found your SOULMATE who is equally yoked in every way.
I’m not referring to the ones who were young in love; or the author of the book (at least not in an overt way). But what I would really love is to research this subject in-depth.
I’d like to find out how true love could go so wrong, if each party had enough time to truly know the person and take each other for a ‘test run’ as a co-habituated couple.
I guess, that’s why I am still single.
Even if I ignore the red flags at times due to sheer loneliness, or I daresay neediness to tighten a far reaching light bulb …
Or a shoulder to lean/cry on; or engage on a very deep, mental level (which is extremely rare to find platonic or otherwise) …
I cannot continue a charade of a relationship that is not real, or worse – was never meant to be – despite how great it may look, or feel on the outside or inside.
My life and future is way more important than a fleeting, feeling of heady euphoria (or a warm, fuzzy feeling inside).
Now that I have moved way past the point of a millennial, I think I pretty much know who I am and what I am for, so I don’t feel pressured to conform to any relationship goals/constructs that society/the media have placed on me.
But then that’s just me. 3 strikes (if so much) and you’re out. GAME OVER!
Not that those ill-fated love casualties were the weakest links, its just that they weren’t ready or good matches. Of course when you’re young and in-love it’s different, but luckily those fleeting feelings were just fleeting and I followed my instincts in my younger youth.
All in all, I don’t think any man or woman has the right to call the woman or man they once loved ugly names (like ugly, stupid, fat, idiot, jack^& etc) if it got to the point of marriage, or that person contributed to your seed[offspring].
That in itself, is ugliness personified.
Think to yourself; as my author colleague said in his book to paraphrase, when faced with a difficult situation following the break-up – before it even gets to the point of getting ugly, think about what brought you to the point of marriage in the first place.
The only way I think this would happen, is if you were never really, truly, madly, deeply in love with your spouse in the first place.
Perhaps because you didn’t really know who they were, or of greater significance – you didn’t know who you were/are … or what you wanted.
Maybe theyweren’t your first choice (or vice versa).
Maybe you didn’t deal with your excess baggage from the past.
Maybe, you just wanted an escape from a difficult situation or a new life.
Maybe you couldn’t stand on your own two feet without outside interference.
Analyse this before you start IT, or end it. A question I always get asked (by potentials):
What do you want?
(Sometimes I get it multiple times):
What do YoU really want???
Not sure if that was a trick question, but these here are mine (in my best Diana Ross voice [kidding]):
Do you knowwho you really are?
Where you’ve been?
Healed your past thru & thru, and
Where you want to go – personally and professionally?
What you can bring to a new relationship wrt tangible & intangible qualities/assetsetc aka the glue that will endure… till death do you [both] part …
Since an empty vessel that collides with another (especially another ‘empty vessel‘) is just an accident and another divorce statistic waiting to happen…
To Women everywhere setting the standard for excellence in values, integrity, talent, professionalism, nurturing and TRUE SISTERHOOD…I tip my hats to you lovely, selfless ladies!
Keep on keeping on, because the world needs You! ‘Press for Progress’ is declared the 2018 theme for International Women’s Day (and by extension week).
My interpretation is for women to collectively and ‘authentically’ help each other find their rightful places in this world, exhibiting their gifts in the best light.
I’ll just say this from my small ‘space’ on the internet … Ladies you sooo Rock! Uh-huh! Yeah, you do
It’s just for you to allow yourselves to be guided towards unearthing that beautiful talent, soul, conviction and fortitude that lies buried underneath the years of self-doubt, self-hatred, hurt and bashfulness due to circumstances we have all fueled as a human society.
ONLY YOU are ultimately responsible for how you are viewed and treated…Don’t succumb to the temptations to conform to a world that does not represent you or your values.
Thank you to all the lovely women and menfolk that have helped and continue to help me along my journey and make me less cynical in a world where it is so easy to become jaded and lose speed…
We’ve now entered into a new month of … wait for it: March!
This can either mean more (perceived) problems, or blessings. The choice is ours.
By ours, I include myself in that sector of people who may take a while to put distance between ourselves and the source of blockage.
Be it a job, relationship, place, our past etc.
As I continue to ride the waves of life and navigate the many twists and turns along this journey, many things are revealed to me.
Why do we settle for mediocre?
Some lessons are longer in coming (if you know what I mean). At the risk of sounding cliche, we may continue to ignore red flags because:
We don’t realize [the extent of] our worth, our power, or we are brainwashed to believe and accept that we have no choice.
Of course, history (not only the greats) tell us differently.
By our worth, I mean both inner and outer.
Our physical beauty, our character and personality, our innate gifts/talents, our blessings and abilities that we may take for granted (until we realize not everyone is as blessed). However ‘beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder’).
Most of all, our values and morals which guide how we deal with the challenges life may bring and how far and how quickly we attain our goals.
Only the truly secure (based on where they are on their journey), can fully accept our entire package and understand/appreciate the concept of character.
What history tells us
The only explanation I can attribute to this, prolly dates back historically depending on where we were born and perhaps our ethnic composition.
While I am not an expert on philosophy; life or the workings of the mind, the few gender and psychology courses I took at university, planted some ‘seeds’ which are manifesting into knowledge and hopefully coping mechanisms for life, all these years later.
At times, I myself get caught in the vortex and viscous cycle precipitated by society, the media and other social entrappings/socializations I would have inadvertently absorbed at different points in time (until they became habits).
That’s why creatives sometimes live a life far removed from others, because some of us experience thoughts, emotions and energy so intensely.
In short, we are so intuitive that we see beyond the surface (and sometimes call out a situation) when others cannot see that far, or take longer to get there. (I understand this is now being called an empath.)
History and that feeling of ‘Otherness’
History would have engendered some feeling of ‘otherness’ which I am of the view,
guides our behaviour, habits and traits.
This is especially true for the Caribbean and other nations with a long history of colonialism.
We have become brainwashed to either swing two ways of the coin (figuratively speaking of course).
One approach is to embrace the identity of our ancestors, having been robbed and raped of our heritage and/or culture in some cases.
In this way, we sometimes reject our Caribbean-ness which is a potpourri of the intrinsic beauty of all races, cultures and ethnicities.
The other side of the coin is to almost inflict emotional/psychological self-hatred as ‘we’ try to either (ostentatiously) associate with, or embrace the identity of what is perceived by the media and many people (subconsciously or not) as beauty, success, prestige, ‘coolness’, politically correctness etc.
Just a little segue. Case in point, I am sure when you read articles/blogs (like this one), you may form stereotypes, opinions or judgments based on the photos/words chosen, or probably what the author looks like, without knowing all the facts. (Also, not realizing that stock photos readily available for use are generally not ethnically diverse.)
The ‘sad’ reality
I have reason to believe that many times; due to our collective fears and in essence our sense of inferiority or past hurt, we sometimes inadvertently end up pushing away something that could have blossomed into a wonderful experience.
Or worse, atrocities may be committed when judgments are made based on our lack of understanding of who that other person is; how they behave, act, speak etc based on how they were socialized, or even their own past experiences.
Who Am ‘I’?
Generally I was raised to believe that I am Caribbean. So when I look into the mirror especially today, I do not see race, only beauty. However, since we live in a worldy-world, our thinking and behavior are often triggered by the world around us.
I strongly believe that embedded within our DNA, we are inherently programmed to connect with, or reject certain thoughts and behaviors, since certain actions etc come naturally and others forced, no matter how hard we try.
New age philosophies chalk this up to ‘energy’. I am yet to explore this particular school of thought.
I believe it also had to do with how comfortable you are with yourself in your own skin, and/or how well you have come to terms with your past/history.
Coming from a multi-ethnic heritage, I am often mistaken for all things other than my heritage, which in the past and to a lesser extent today, still fazes me depending on how it is done. Then I realize people are a product of their environment and antiquated conditioning and exposure.
However, there is no excuse to continue to live and operate in fear, insecurity and judgement due to lack of knowledge.
Wisdom is Power and there’s no secret formula to acquiring it.
With the advent of technology and travel, we are given the opportunity to now explore the world, remove our hang-ups (and lesson our baggage), as we broaden our minds beyond our rigid and narrow [text-book] thinking.
In order for this to feel effortless, in some cases it may require lots of practice to unlearn years of learnt behaviours and habits that no longer serve us.
The good book says, ‘Ask and you shall receive. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and a door shall be opened unto you’. [Matthew]
Here’s how you can begin…
The world needs more love
To truly ‘find our equal place’, not only in post-colonial territories, but the wider world (since it continues to affect us all), the world needs more love and there’s enough of everything to go around without trying to hurt others to obtain it.
You get what you give. If you don’t understand, ask a question! (in an unobtrusive and non-malicious way of course, for the intention of knowledge).
If you truly value something/one (be it a career/business, person, place), be patient, be kind, be honest and think/act independently to achieve your desired result.
The only way to do that is to be comfortable with who you are and unafraid to lose it all. With pure intentions, you just may ‘win’ everything and if you ‘lose’, it would matter little in the grand scheme of things.
The key is the manner of travelling and knowing when the situation cannot be salvaged and it’s time to move on.
Until next time,
My Endless Love,
For more, feel free to follow me via my social media handles, shop for my books in brick&mortar bookstores and on Amazon via my website: www.carolyncorreia.com
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