April was a wonderful month if you choose to look at it this way. Many may disagree for several individual or collective reasons personal to them (as a country or global society). I recently read a book by a brilliant author (Wayne Dyer) who echoed the sentiments of the greats since time immemorial. He said something that stood out for me, which in itself can be interpreted as cliche based on your current realities to date.
To paraphrase, the author said that every single thing that happens to us (and by extension has been said to us) affects us based on how we choose to interpret it. We can choose to take offence, or we can choose to think deeper and ask ourselves this:
Why did that person say that? Why did that incident happen (now)? Is there a deeper reason behind what they did or said (or didn’t do/say)?
How about me? Do I have some buried hurt or event (and by extension person) from our past that may cause us to interpret this event or this person’s words or behaviour in this way?
Or have we been sufficiently ‘exposed’ to real life experiences, cultures and environments to be able to make an objective ‘judgement’ on why someone may react, or say the things they do (repeatedly)?
Is this customary where they are from, how they were raised or have been socialized? (Or…did they just watch way too many Blockbuster movies [of a particular genre, or local programming, or maybe no television/books/newspapers at all] growing up?!)
I am all for embracing cultures and new experiences, forming new friendships and such. I’ve also learnt that sometimes two (groups of) people are too different to fully embrace a genuine connection because their experiences (and resulting perceptions about life) are too vast and disconnected from ours. At least to that point (or ever will!).
The reason perceived ‘bad’ stuff may be reoccuring in our lives may have relatively little to do with us per se. But rather our ability or lack thereof to amicably and diplomatically balance the very dynamic situations and people (and cultures) based on the (head) space we are operating from up to that point in our respective lives.
For clarity I’d use the example of completing high (secondary) school. At that point, we may have been looking for more independence (a job and maybe some wheels) as a way to break free from that support system if you were blessed to have (two) parents who may have been still navigating parenthood and couldn’t help but repeat some of the same cycles passed on to them through no fault of their own.
You hung with the same people you grew up or went to school with to find some semblance of community. For some, there was no internet and stuff in that era, so we had to function based on ‘advice’ from other people! Even books and television were a rare privilege depending on what time, country or circumstances you were born into.
Some turned to religion and prayer for guidance. Some, sports or the arts – music, dance, drama etc. Some were lucky to return to various types of schools – either in their home country or overseas to get a greater edge on the job market and pay scale.
The rest had to work very hard – often starting at the lowest rungs of the ladder doing stuff we didn’t particularly have a penchant for, but to get some cash of our own or find a way towards what we really wanted to do with our life and where we wanted to go.
As we began to work and progress in life with time, our priorities may have changed and the friends we knew no longer saw our points of view on life because their experiences to that point were completely different to ours. Perhaps because they worked in different types of industries, pursued different courses of study, migrated etc.
Some friendships we may have kept along the way just out of comfort or fun (since unfamiliarity can be scary). Or maybe they were genuinely solid (and real in our minds at the time). Other friendships may have fell away gradually and we just didn’t know what was happening and how to tell it to the friends who saw us through a lot of things in life.
Yet a moment longer we may have diverged from work life, started our own businesses, began families of our own and noticed a further disconnect from our initial groups of friends. Some of whom may now be doing the things we have already done, or vice versa (for example we are ‘now’ having a family, and they are going back to school, starting a business, switching careers or entering the workforce now that their kids are grown).
Everything happens in its own time for each person (once we are open to the possibilities!) so nobody’s at fault for their way of adjusting to shifting life circumstances or priorities based on where they’ve been to that point.
The really ‘lucky’ people in this world may somehow get to experience everything at once! The ‘Partridge’ family and baby carriage, the dating and exploring before that happens, further studies, extra-curricular activities, the movie nights, the hang-outs/the beach/pool/house parties, travel, the jacket + skirt/pants (‘important’) corporate jobs, the not-so-fancy corporate jobs, the high paying jobs, the alright paying jobs, the perceived menial jobs (that everyone loves to hate and are conditioned to judge based on the norm)!
These rare situations and people (kinda like a meteor shower!) manage to get a good balance of all worlds that would hopefully allow them to adapt/relate to most people in this world. The rest of us have to feel our way around and navigate life as it comes – usually with age and life experiences. Others may never get the opportunity to master the lessons that mostly happens in the movies (and in novels) due to our very fluid world.
Happy May everybody! Hope it’s an amazing month filled with infinite possibilities.
Go where the love is. Find your best fit (since they seem to last forever) and go conquer the world and live your wildest dreams (with caution of course!)
Carpe Diem & My Endless Love,