When I was first asked to write this article I was on the fence about tackling this very ‘heavy’ issue. When I began to write I admit to sounding like an aged psychologist or someone who watched one too many Dr. Phil episodes at best.
Needless to say for a [deeper] reason unbeknownst to me, the article which was intended for Father’s Day was never published.
Upon observing an alarming trend in the news and daily life, I realized there may be a need for me to at least publish this to my personal blog if it can ‘shine some light’ on what’s happening in society today.
After reading midway through you’d probably be asking yourself, “Who gives her the authority to write on such matters.” So this is my preface.
Having borne no children of my own, nor seen too much of any of the above named episodes, I can only admit to studying a couple psychology courses at university along with my main course of study (viz. literature and communications).
Even prior to this I was always fascinated by the stories of others and ironically enough, I seemed to attract people who loved to share them with me.
One can say it was a Divine gift received at a young age. As a result, my mind was always in overdrive with thoughts that manifested itself into almost all my jobs and careers as an adultier adult.
Thinking out Loud from time to time, I’m sure you may have these thoughts when you look at your peers on social media, or on the grocery aisle and say to yourself:
‘Hmm, what a perfect GQ couple they make, with their cute little GQ kids!’
For modern day people who are busy living their lives the way in which they like; this may bear no real significance.
Based on where we are on our emotional and spiritual journey, this may still affect us on some level, since for generations we were socialized by the media and society to believe that a two parent picture-perfect family is the ideal.
While fatherhood and parenthood are serious lifelong commitments and roles which everyone may not be able to embrace when it comes, it is a personal decision.
Often times, sexuality and pro-creation is such that, it may seem that you have little control over who you meet, partner with and eventually have offspring.
At times looks and charms can be so deceiving, that we may get fooled into believing that this person who showers us with the attention and promises we’ve secretly craved is our ‘ideal’ soulmate.
One thing may lead to another – marriage and the baby carriage; sometimes not in that order and before you know it, a little one is calling you daddy or mommy and it can feel like either a dream or nightmare again depending on where you are in life.
Some may feel trapped and deny, or give up their role to mould their sons and daughters to be the future parents and leaders of a civilized and productive society.
As a result, one day we may wake up to find that our offspring have spiraled out of control due to the lack of care, attention and affection to make them into upright citizens.
In the same vein, though one may have the discernment to ‘separate the sheep from the goat’, that relation[ship] may not turn out exactly the way you would have liked either.
In my honest opinion, from where I sit two people who are meant to be together for life would be compatible in every way.
They would possess the emotional maturity and spiritual grounding with the ability to communicate effectively their challenges and find solutions to have a harmonious, trusting, committed and long lasting relationship that would stand the test of time.
They would balance each other out with the qualities that can weather the storms of co-habituation, cultural and social nuances, children, family, society, the media, career, finances and perceived adversities.
I agree [with your silent thoughts] that not everyone may have the willpower to hold out for their perceived ideal soulmate, or blessed enough to meet someone equally yoked during their childbearing years.
Especially so for females, since men can father a child at any age with little effort and their ‘settling’ capability somehow kicks in much later – if ever in some cases based on how they were socialized.
Many men were taught or had it inculcated into their psyche that the rite of passage to manhood was to sow their wild oats as far and wide as possible (no pun intended).
As a result; many Baby Boomer and Gen X kids found themselves to be raised in broken homes, or without the proper grooming to function holistically and/or respect women or humanity when they became of age.
Due to insecurities in their manhood or upbringing; the ability to show affection, communicate their feelings honestly and openly, or draw boundaries in romantic, platonic and even professional relationships may affect their intimacy.
It may also affect their ability to commit to one person (for too long) or be a proper role model.
One’s childhood and socialization may affect different people in different ways; even if raised in a privileged home where essential things were missing (viz. proper guidance, communication or affection).
As a result, this may negatively impact a person’s ability to function in the way they should – especially in romantic relationships and the ability to nurture offspring.
All in all, for change to occur we must be conscious and take responsibility for our actions, especially when choosing partners and making the decision to become parents.
The detriments of a few fleeting moments of pleasure may have lasting repercussions not only for yourself; but collectively create a society of little people who end up being unprepared for the world and the ability to lead us into a new generation of productive and caring citizens of the world.
Carolyn Correia is an author, speaker and communications consultant. For more: www.carolyncorreia.co