Money for nothing and milk for free

Hey all. Thought I’d drop in for a little update.

This is a delayed post about a book I recently read titled, Divulging. 

I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from reading (books). I do read a whole lot of articles, blogs and e-books for business and research purposes though.

The author is a colleague who just happened to divulge (one day in passing), that they published an e-book on Amazon some years ago.

It was sooo good (the clever, descriptive and skillful use of the language), that I read it in less than an hour flat. That is a huge (huge) accomplishment for me, for two reasons:

The first, is attributed to my time being split into a million nano-seconds of brain activity and events. The second is because it takes a great deal to hook me into anything (for longer than 30 minutes).

I’m not saying this to be conceited; but as you get older (unless you’re already older), you would realize that balancing all the variables in your life can be a bit exhausting. 

So yeah, it was def. a page turner (and if you’ve been reading my blog, you should know by now that I don’t hand-out empty compliments. I call it like I see it).

photo credit – Thought Catalog –


The book was relationship-related and I can only compare it to Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Not in terms of content, but quality. It was an amazingly, honest and refreshing look at relationships from the point of view of the male mind.

I write about it today; not only because I have a few events coming up and it provided much food for thought, but because I’ve been seeing all of these controversial videos on social media related to ‘wars’ between (grown) men and women.

Photo by Samuel Scrimshaw on Unsplash

Wow. I am just blown away each time, as I wonder what is the exact brand of crazy glue that holds relationships of this nature together.

Or, how it got to the point of a live-in relationship or marriage in the first place…only to collapse mere years later (sometimes after a huge, fancy [not to mention] expensive wedding).

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

In some cases, the dating and courtship lasts longer than the actual marriage. Which brings me to an old folks saying my mother says all the time,

“A good living is better than a bad marriage.”

Muy interesante. Of course, on the other side of the coin is:

“Why buy the cow, when you are getting milk for free?”

Well; who am I to comment on this, since one may argue that I’ve never been married or even close to it. But Good Golly, Miss Molly as Little Richard sang (way before my time)!

While I know it’s easier said than done, for heaven’s sake why would you be saying stuff about your former partner if the situation actually progressed to the point of marriage?

I run the risk of sounding a tad bit like Sheldon of TVs Big Bang theory; but why didn’t you FIRST get to know the person on a really intimate level before taking it to that other level of coitus/reproduction and/or co-habitation? (Or use Stevie’s 90-day rule?)

Photo by Mahkeo on Unsplash

This is stuff I usually discuss with my single, male friends. We can’t fathom for the life of us, how this could happen if one really got to know the other person – inside & out.

If this happened; you’d spot the red flags a mile away, take them for what they’re worth (the flags i.e.) until you found your SOULMATE who is equally yoked in every way.

I’m not referring to the ones who were young in love; or the author of the book (at least not in an overt way). But what I would really love is to research this subject in-depth.

I’d like to find out how true love could go so wrong, if each party had enough time to truly know the person and take each other for a ‘test run’ as a co-habituated couple.

I guess, that’s why I am still single.

Even if I ignore the red flags at times due to sheer loneliness, or I daresay neediness to tighten a far reaching light bulb … 

Or a shoulder to lean/cry on; or engage on a very deep, mental level (which is extremely rare to find platonic or otherwise) …

I cannot continue a charade of a relationship that is not real, or worse – was never meant to be – despite how great it may look, or feel on the outside or inside.

My life and future is way more important than a fleeting, feeling of heady euphoria (or a warm, fuzzy feeling inside).

Photo by Manu Camargo on Unsplash

Now that I have moved way past the point of a millennial, I think I pretty much know who I am and what I am for, so I don’t feel pressured to conform to any relationship goals/constructs that society/the media have placed on me.

But then that’s just me. 3 strikes (if so much) and you’re out. GAME OVER!

Kinda reminds me of (Mrs. Miss Anne) Robinson on the turn of the new millennium game show when she said, Goodbye’, right before dismissing The Weakest Link (and well Julie Andrews in the Sound of MusicGotta luv those Brits!).

Not that those ill-fated love casualties were the weakest links, its just that they weren’t ready or good matches. Of course when you’re young and in-love it’s different, but luckily those fleeting feelings were just fleeting and I followed my instincts in my younger youth.

All in all, I don’t think any man or woman has the right to call the woman or man they once loved ugly names (like ugly, stupid, fat, idiot, jack^& etc) if it got to the point of marriage, or that person contributed to your seed[offspring].

That in itself, is ugliness personified.

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

Think to yourself; as my author colleague said in his book to paraphrase, when faced with a difficult situation following the break-up – before it even gets to the point of getting ugly, think about what brought you to the point of marriage in the first place.

The only way I think this would happen, is if you were never really, truly, madly, deeply in love with your spouse in the first place.

Perhaps because you didn’t really know who they were, or of greater significance – you didn’t know who you were/are … or what you wanted.

Maybe they weren’t your first choice (or vice versa).

Maybe you didn’t deal with your excess baggage from the past.

Maybe, you just wanted an escape from a difficult situation or a new life.

Maybe you couldn’t stand on your own two feet without outside interference.

Maybe shmaybe.

Analyse this before you start IT, or end it. A question I always get asked (by potentials):

What do you want?

(Sometimes I get it multiple times):

What do YoU really want???

Photo by Bryan Minear on Unsplash

Not sure if that was a trick question, but these here are mine (in my best Diana Ross voice [kidding]):

Do you know who you really are?

Where you’ve been? 

Healed your past thru & thru, and

Where you want to go – personally and professionally?

What you can bring to a new relationship wrt tangible & intangible qualities/assets etc aka the glue that will endure … till death do you [both] part …

Since an empty vessel that collides with another (especially another ‘empty vessel‘) is just an accident and another divorce statistic waiting to happen

That’s all she wrote …

My Endless Love,

Carolyn xx

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Photo by Wesley Quinn on Unsplash

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