As that time draws nearer to the 1 year anniversary of my father’s death…without warning, thoughts and memories of that sad time comes flooding back. I decided to continue to pen my thoughts.
I am happy to announce that I have completed the first chapter of my 3rd book which I started in June…a book about coping with grief. I can’t wait to test it out with a couple well selected beta readers for feedback who have experienced the same sort of painful loss.
Honestly, I wasn‘t (consciously) sad until a few weeks ago…because I thought I was fully over my mourning phase, but being human, I succumbed to the emotions that I was withholding for such a long time as I busied myself with the business of living life.
Most people tell you death is inevitable. No one wants to talk about it. But everyone has to find closure in their own way and in their own time.
Many of my friends say that no matter how many years have passed, they still feel the intensity of the loss of their parents and loved ones as if it happened just yesterday.
For me, it was different, because I accepted that it was his time to go and he had fully lived and done everything he was supposed to do here on this earth.
I am glad that I made the time to read the Bible and pray with him in his final months and days to hopefully help him come to terms with his fate and his life and make this transition to the other side.
Although he was very ill, he came alive as I read and told me he enjoyed it and even clapped at times! That is such a beautiful memory that I hold dear and will cherish for life.
My closure was moving back home to spend what turned out to be my last year with him, taking him on outings, playing games with him, cooking him his favourite meals and telling him I loved him everyday and so much more countless and priceless ways.
I would always remember when I coerced him to travel on the fast ferry with my sister and visit me when I lived and worked in Tobago…those are sweet memories! (that’s us at my apartment).
Sure there were things that I regret in earlier years, but I release myself from all guilt because I know our bond is unbreakable and unconditional.
You cannot go back and change what was, but learn from your mistakes and move positively forward into the future with a clear conscience knowing that you did your best and your best was good enough for your loved one.
I don’t know where he is, but I trust that he is in good hands and pray that he is at peace and that I will be fortunate to dance with him in the eternal light and life.
As I write this I get chills. It is Monday 23rd November, 2015 at 2am. More chapters to come…Love you forever Daddy ♥♥♥