It’s strange the uncanny ability I have to stay up at these ungodly hours of the morning when everyone else is supposedly asleep. But then I see the activity on social media and I know I’m not alone. I remember while publishing my second book, sometimes I went to bed when my neighbours were getting up for work and birds were beginning to chirp. One time I could have sworn I even smelt the aroma of their breakfast coming through my bedroom window.
Notwithstanding the fact that I slept through the rain on Sunday and woke up at nightfall, I now suddenly feel energized at 3 in the morning. Since Saturday evening it has been raining in these parts and for some reason the rain reminds me of my Dad.
These past few days since my book launch I’ve been thinking about him a lot. It’s been 7 months since he passed and though I’d seem to get over it quickly in the onset, I have these bouts of nostalgia and loss…dare I even say fleeting depression. Yesterday was one of those days.
It seems that in life the only things constant are change and death and unless we come to terms with that, we’d never really be able to get a handle on living our best life and find true peace of mind and joy. No matter how many things we try to fill our lives with, it will always be there gnawing away at the back of our minds and returning to our lives like a recurring decimal.
Change is part of life. It’s necessary for our evolution and progress. Without it we become stuck in a time warp where everyone else is moving on and enjoying life and we are pinning away for what’s past.
Death on the other hand, is very new to me. I’ve had a couple close encounters myself and now with my Dad gone I am learning for the first time what’s it’s like to have someone close to me no longer around. At first I felt as though he just went to the store and will be coming back soon, but now I am reminded that all I have are pictures and my memories to remind me of him and the role he played in my life.
I don’t let the feelings linger however and try to carry on, but some days you must succumb to your feelings in order find your catharsis and healing.
That day has come and I’m sure there will be many more during my life’s journey. I’ve heard it gets easier with time….sometimes….for some. I will be one of those people.
I would love to hear if you can relate. Feel free to follow my blog and be part of my journey.
Peace & Love