My Greatest Fear

Tonight’s blog is unexpected. I write this one to vent my feelings which I can’t express verbally. Most times I don’t even know what I’m feeling till I start writing. If that makes any sense! Can any writers relate?

I am in the final stages of editing my second book. I’ve completed the second draft and awaiting the revisions from the final few chapters from my editor Patricia. Usually we would connect via Skype, but the last couple times we had a telephone session. I find that these sessions are better and more personal.

photo credit – C.K. Correia 2015 – Chaguaramas
She told me some things that made me think. Some of which my friend Roxanne have told me before. 

They both said that I am a good writer. Roxanne even said on more than one occasion that I write beautifully. 

But I was waiting on the but. lol. There was no verbal “but” but there was a but. 

I need to “get over it” and just write, share more deeply my editor said. She said: “Is it really that difficult for you? It’s not that bad Carolyn. Some of these things have happened to other people!”  She said my second draft is a vast improvement, but I still need to connect the dots with my relationships with some of the people in the book including my Dad.

So I asked myself: What can’t I let go? What am I so afraid of? She said: “What is the worst that can happen? People would not judge you. That’s the only way they can connect. Be honest with yourself and you will be able to motivate others further.”

Yikes. I think that is it. I’m afraid of people judging me. But why? I have shared much more by just being on the internet than the average person, yet I am still afraid of baring it all.

There is a need to return to my core and search my soul for the reasons. 

Do I want this book to be read to the end or do I want readers to speed read?

My editor thinks this book can help people. I do too.

I am committed to making it an over-the-top experience that they would not want to put down. I want my readers to refer to it often when faced with a life challenge. 

I want them to connect with me on a deeper level, feel my struggles and gain strength from my experiences and lessons.

I want it all.

Would you want to read it?

Peace & Love

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