Would You Want A Second Chance?

It’s one week away from Christmas and my mind is no where near the joyous celebration. Rather I am trying to tie up loose ends and keep my mind occupied. After my last blog, some readers were still confused, so to make things a little clearer…it’s been weeks counting since the passing of my dear papa. 

Though I still haven’t told many persons verbally, I hope you understand that I just don’t have the words and fortitude to rehash and explain, as the memories of the last moments are already swirling thru and thru my head enough as it is. 

He did in fact have the most beautifully awesome service and ‘send off’ in style. Nothing but the best for my dear papa. And a few days later, we took a boat out and sprinkled his ashes in the ocean. It was only apt that his final resting place was where he lived and worked most of his life. 

The homily complemented my eulogy and what struck me the most is a few things the deacon said. He did not know my dad, but after listening to the eulogy he realized how way off he was in his prepared homily. He then spoke off the top of his head and captured the essence of the man known as my father as if he had known and grown up with him his whole life. 

He began his sermon by wondering aloud what he can do in the remaining years of his life to even measure up to my father. He said listening to all of the things he did, makes him want to go back and make up for some. He admitted that Daddy was after all human and not perfect, but listening to the vivid description of his deeds and what he sacrificed for his family was tantamount to the reflection of God Himself. 

As family members leave our childhood home one by one, I no longer feel the distraction of thoughts I once did and the memories are coming flooding back bit by bit. I no longer weep to myself, but I feel his presence with me…at least in my mind all the time. I often quote him in my everyday speech and constantly give reference to something he would have said or done throughout his life.

Although I knew this day would come, I feel as though he has just gone away and is coming back soon. It did not yet ‘hit home’ as it does not feel as though he is gone….I expect him to walk through the door at any moment. I feel connected in mind and spirit. I remember him toasting with us at home on Ole Year’s, taking pictures and dancing to parang on television just last year……….Such is life. 

He lived a good life and had fully lived. No regrets. No second chances necessary. My recollection of that, along with my golden memories keeps the tears at bay….at least for now.

I must say thanks to all those who called and sent emails and texts, checking on me every day in some instances. I must reproduce this one in particular: 

“You’ve only lost the ability to see them physically. True love is really never ending…as some songs say and you will always feel that person near you. You did make the best decision (to move back home)…. Family and life is more important than anything because they cannot be bought under any circumstances.”

Thanks Kai. Bless your heart.

Peace & Love.

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