As I write this, it’s almost midnight. I am back in my second home sitting in my old apartment listening to the cool sounds of Taylor Dayne belting out from my radio…I’m glad Music Radio 97 works here:) I feel happy, at peace, content. It’s like old times. Wish I could stay in this moment forever…
I arrived Saturday morning. The trip over here was a bit long. The combination of gravol, the delay on the port and less than 4 hours sleep the night before did not help much. I dozed off somewhere around the Bocas (islands that lie between Trinidad and Venezuela)…trying my hardest not to succumb to the sea sickness as the ferry neared Tobago’s shoreline.
As my car drove off the Scarborough port, being the last one, I was able to take it all in, with new eyes. As I got further away from the city hub and navigated the many winding corners to where I once called home, I found myself relax into a place of nostalgia and peace.
As I descended the steep driveway, unpacked my bags and opened my (old) door for the first time in 8 months, I surprised myself by saying aloud: “home” and smiled widely.
Having stayed at a friend’s house last April (bless her heart) when my landlord’s were abroad, I couldn’t believe it had been this long. Although I paid a short visit to my neighbour, this feels different.
I stepped outside a few moments later with a cup of Earl Grey tea and inhaled the cool, fresh air taking in the sounds of nature (including the occasional sheep and goat :).
I looked around the beautiful, peacefully hypnotizing landscape and wonderful fruit trees…I could hardly wait.
As I unpacked my last bag, I paused to knock on my former landlords’ door and it was as though no time had passed…yet it’s been almost a year. With a knock on my own door half an hour later, I immediately got a bag of goodies freshly picked…plums, pommecytheres, cucumbers, mangoes…and more compliments (smile). I was told we would be roasting breadfruit on a wooden fire the next day. I was in my glee.
Still I needed time to process it all…
This used to be all mine….ahhh.
Then I remember and hear the little voice in my head (and heart) say:
You have to do what you have to do. You are chasing your dream. Be happy. This is your time. This will always be yours (hopefully).
I asked my friends if I’m being overly emotional. To this they replied: “No Carolyn, it’s only natural. You are only human. It will take some time to get over it. Don’t worry with anyone that tells you otherwise.”
With distance and time, perspective allows us to see things thru a different lens. I mean I know things aren’t/weren’t perfect like the fairytale I sometimes paint it to be, but it came close.
The more things change, the more they stay the same
As I drove to Pigeon Point to have a drink and hopefully meet up with my brother, I decided that I can’t do these country roads anymore. I later got lost in Carnbee/Sou Sou lands on my way to a friend’s house! Embarrassing since I’ve been here before!
I ended up driving in circles until I ended up on a street that I said to myself I wasn’t going to drive down…I was so disoriented I didn’t even know I was in oh so familiar territory until it was too late. What ah ting! (trini for can’t believe it). Yes all the roads are connected somehow.
After a few hours at my friend’s house, I relaxed and caught up on so many stories and memories. It was refreshing. I got home after 9pm! Yikes. But I was okay. As I rounded a very sharp and dangerous corner, I took a chance to glance slightly to my right and take in the breathtaking lights down below in Scarborough. Man! I was high up!
By my second trip out, I decided I was a pro at these roads. I remember last year when my dad and eldest sister came to visit, he said the same thing. He marveled at what a good driver I was and how I learnt the roads so fast after only a few weeks of living here. Indeed a comforting memory.
My true blue
Today I caught up with a few more friends and visited Fort George, Turtle Beach (the beach) and Stonehaven/Grafton Beach. I got me some great photos that took my breath away (like this one). As I looked at that sunset which dreams are made of, there in that moment, I realized who and what matters most to me. I released the rest into the sands and waves of time to be taken away with the tide of life.
Ahh yes. Tobago 2013 was wonderful, maybe I’ll return one day to live again. (I was asked that a few times today.) It brought me many lessons and strength unmatched. I was able to express my creativity, discover new passions and receive inspiration from various events, places and people. Hopefully I touched the lives of others as well (so I’m told).
It’s a different life. Peaceful, serene, some very genuine and real connections were forged that would hopefully stand the tests of time and become lifelong friends. I loved the independence, self-reliance, ability to pick up and go anywhere at any time. I love the ability to feel as though you can disappear from the craziness that lies in wait on the other side.
But for now, I am on a different journey.
The best thing of all: is that no matter what changes, I will always have my golden memories. The laughs. The fun. The strength. The resilience. The life lessons.
I finally got the closure I needed. I know I can come back whenever I want and always find a home.
The best is yet to come.
Peace & Blessed Love,