I find myself in an intermittent state of procrastination of late. This is also so

not me. In the past when I wanted (to do) something, it barely had time to linger and germinate in my mind before my thoughts start racing and I put a plan into action to achieve my goal. That’s just the way my mind works. So it baffles me what could be the root of this hesitation and stalling…I must have some kind of latent depression! lol….But I digress…

  

I just read a post on a friend’s facebook profile a few seconds ago shortly after beginning this blog post. It went something like this (to paraphrase lest I offend some!): Make yourself happy because no one else really cares…My mind is such a complex over-thinking machine (at least that’s what my friends tell me) that this simple, yet layered statement caused me to reflect on the many innuendoes and half truths even in my life. 

Before I hit the “like” button, I had to pause and determine what image this can potentially project. How can myself–a published inspirational writer/author and upcoming motivational speaker endorse and have such a dismal thought!? Easy: I am human. To use the words of Shakespeare with a modern day twist: I bleed and have feelings like everyone else. The important thing is that it remains only a fleeting, transient thought and emotion.

Needless to say, I did not hit like.

photo credit – Grafton Beach 2013 All rights reserved
For reasons of my own, I thought that I should set the example since some come to me for advice and look to me as a rock and beacon of hope, or so I’m told 🙂 Yikes! That’s a huge standard to live up to; one in which I embrace and welcome. When did that happen? I guess ever since I can remember. Even persons I have only just met (both genders), feel comfortable enough to share and open up about their history and personal thoughts. 

What I would say is that we have to find and face the truths in our own lives that resonate with us for one reason or another. Recently I have had to re-evaluate the relationships in my life…the people that remain in my life to this day and the ones who did not survive (the storm and seasons)…some through no fault of my own. 

The close ones, the in-between ones and the ones that are just hanging by a thread. The ones whom I communicate with daily, the ones with whom I only communicate once in a while but are somehow still connected in thought, the ones who seek me out and vice versa and the ones that are barely there.

With so many ways to communicate nowadays and the many different levels of ‘friendship’ with the advent of facebook, twitter, whatsapp, google, youtube, LinkedIn, bbm, skype etc…have we lost touch by constantly staying  in touch???! It’s so easy to ‘spy’ or check out what your friend is saying on social media: what they are wearing or eating today or if it’s their birthday. If they are having a bad day or on top of the world…all this by not even talking to them. 

We forget telephone numbers and birthdays because the old fashioned way is long forgotten when we live in an age where everything is ‘programmed’ and built into our apps, computers and hand held devices instead of in our memories and hearts….(for this reason I removed my data from social media some years ago.)

And I ask myself for the ones that exist on the various echelons of ‘friendship’: are these healthy, authentic, two-way connections? Am I being treated how I want to be treated? Do I treat others how I would like to be treated? Am I too petty/nit-picky, spoilt, needy or intense for my own good? Did I in some way cause the ones that did not make it, to go away? And finally to end my tirade of open-ended questions: did I too hastily and abruptly end things with others in the past?

These are some questions that may also resonate with you. If I take a closer look, I know I have the answers to these questions at the tip of my tongue if only I have the courage to admit it to myself.

We all have our weaknesses. Some are able to discern, heal and chart a positive way forward. Others may be unable to recognize and own up to them even if they are point out by a third party. I am happy that I can step out of my little bubble and see myself from the outside daily as others would see me. It’s not always easy to face the ‘man’ in the mirror, but it’s the only way to improve and evolve. We are all a work in progress.

It’s a skill that comes with practise and meditation over several years. Not some deep transcendental meditation or one with bells and chants (not to knock anyone’s beliefs). But one of quiet stillness, reflection, introspection and prayer. Wait for it…the answers will come. Maybe not right away, but one day while you’re driving down the highway or on the tube/subway, doing household chores, listening to music or chatting with a friend…trust me, it will come. When it does, it’s important to embrace it with quiet acceptance and release.

Pray for guidance and a way forward. For healing and transformation. Change doesn’t come overnight, but may take several years, retries and do-overs…but it’s important to never give up and take it your Creator in prayer. Faith moves mountains. Sometimes we don’t get a chance for a do-over when it comes to certain things and people, that’s why it’s important to remain grounded in the present and revel in all it’s splendour for before you know it, this moment is gone…Poof! And there it goes…

For now, I accept, I embrace, I release as I find my centre once again and nip procrastination and all negativity in the bud!

Before I go, I must pay tribute to the oh so talented actor and comedian Robin Williams who made us laugh for decades. We remember how he make us laugh till we cried in Mrs. Doubtfire and other fabulous movies…it’s sad how nobody knew his pain and couldn’t do the same for him in his time of need.

I’ve observed how it is often some of the most creative and outgoing souls that are the ones who (silently) carry the most sadness inside. Your memory/legacy will live on through your movies…No one can ever take that away from you. Condolences to the family and friends of Mr. Robin Williams on his passing. May perpetual light shine upon him and may his soul Rest In Peace.

Peace & Love

Advertisements